A Curse and Cry
by prettyinpinkgal
Summary: HMC. The Witch knew how it would end, during the moments when she had her name. Oneshot/drabble.


**Prettyinpinkgal: This little drabble hit me while I was finishing up the first draft of my fifth novel. So I am writing it, instead of doing something more productive, like FINISHING THAT FIRST DRAFT WHICH ONLY NEEDS ONE MORE CHAPTER AND SSJDFOIDSHIOF.  
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**Yep.  
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**Anyway, reviews are lovelier than the Witch's various appearances, even in Howl's eyes. :)  
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**And yes, the name Morgan coincidentally is Welsh, and is a reference to Morgan le Fay, although the Witch is not her. Lily Angorian's real name, in this ficlet, is Lilura, which, according is a "Basque name meaning 'enchantment'".  
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**Disclaimer: I do not own _Howl's Moving Castle_. It belongs to the incredibly imaginative Diana Wynne Jones.  
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**A CURSE AND CRY  
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Sometimes, the Witch is no Witch at all. She has a name again, and she grows frightened because she realizes two things: That it has been such a very long time since she felt her name, her identity, and because she can feel all the apathy towards everything but her-that is, Lilura's-goals fade away, and that makes things hurt very much.

The first time she is keenly aware of it, for the first time in years, is when Wizard Howl accepts her flirtations, and asks her name.

"Morgan," she tells him, and she feels warmth every time he uses it after.

Morgan is attracted to him very much indeed, and, as a result, so is her fire demon, as their souls are so intertwined (although Morgan has always wondered if fire demons could have souls. But then, what else could you call them? They could die, no doubt, and they do have personality.)

"How would you like to have him?" Lilura asks, a bit apathetically.

They are working on a spell to give Lilura a human form. Morgan looks up at that, but returns to her work.

"I do have him."

"Not for long. No matter your appearance, he will grow wise, and he will leave you."

Morgan always wished to be beautiful, having been born with plain, borderline-ugly looks. She looks up at Lilura, unhappy. "Do you mean to say he will realize my true form?"

Lilura is unimpressed. "I mean that he is a powerful wizard, and a philanderer at that. Humans are always too involved with emotions. You do not allow yourself to see it. He will want to leave anyone who loves him. He will leave you, regardless of whether he learns you are the Witch of the Waste, and thus secretly ancient."

Morgan bristles, and says with false calmness, "Do you not know, Lilura, that speaking of a lady's age is strictly forbidden?"

Lilura chuckles, in her usual, disturbing way, and Morgan feels herself fade a little bit as Lilura takes over, because Morgan is less competent on her own when it comes to magic, and just about everything else.

* * *

He leaves.

Those good-looking men always leave.

But she thought she could, perhaps, love him.

How dare he.

Morgan loses herself entirely.

Yes, his head would look very nice.

* * *

She walks in, seeing the pretty girl who has atrocious fashion sense and hides a sharp tongue. The Witch is not amused. She remembers too well how her younger sisters were praised for their beauty, their perfection, and how she, the eldest, was a blemish.

This girl, this "Lettie Hatter", must have won Howl's heart if she knew about Wales.

But a part of her, the Morgan part that is now miniscule, does not wish to hurt anyone else. She does not wish to kill her.

The part that is Lilura enjoys toying with people anyway, and so she turns Miss Hatter into an old hag.

How funny, really.

The old hag is the beautiful Morgan, and the beautiful Miss Hatter is an old hag.

Two sides of a coin.

Howl has a knack for older women. Her best wishes to the happy couple.

* * *

Time is running out.

Morgan never really meant to harm anyone. No one does, when they catch a falling star. They only hope for a single wish-that the star might live-and then the star happens to see the others hidden beneath it. It is the star's choice whether it will grant those other wishes or not.

In Morgan's case, she had only a few wishes: That she might be pretty one day, and that she would be noticed.

She became both.

Now, she passively hears Lilura think of a plan, specifically a curse that will bind Howl to them. What does it matter to Morgan what happens. Howl left her. Howl left her to become this. Her heart is charred, and he never did anything to save her. This body would keep going, and never, ever stop.

A curse.

She wishes she _could_ stop. She is afraid, somewhere where she can still feel. Lilura is ambitious, and wants to take over the kingdom. Give her another hundred years, and she might have the world in her grasp.

Somewhere, Morgan hates this, and wants to do what she can to stop it.

A curse.

She knows the Hatter girl is close to Howl now, if there was any doubt before. And Morgan, using what little magic she still can for her own purposes, has a feeling Howl is changing because of it.

"Here is what we shall do," the Witch, with a bit of Morgan in her, says.

She forms a plan, as Howl will do whatever he can to slip out of the curse Lilura will place on him. If worst comes to worst, and the attack on his Welsh home does not work, they will lure the Hatter girl to their palace in the Waste. Howl will then chase after her, and will grow angry enough to fight.

Morgan, who is now too tiny for even Lilura to take notice of her, thinks this was perfect.

An angry Howl fighting means people will get hurt.

It means she can finally put this old body to rest.

"But why should he chase after her?" Lilura muses.

"It is something only humans who are too involved with emotions understand," replies Morgan, and then the last speck of her name fades into oblivion.

_Howl, love, please kill me..._

__**Prettyinpinkgal: Yes, so that was the quick, raw little ficlet I came up with on the ghost of an idea. Hopefully it's not too bad, though I suspect it's terribly messy. I just felt like writing it, but now I _really must _finish my novel draft. Have a lovely Fourth of July those who celebrate it, and for those who don't...Have a great July 4th. :)**


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